You think
You think I do not see you, sitting there in the shadows, waiting. I have seen you for so long you are almost part of me. I can't remember a time I have NOT seen you sitting there in the shadows. Watching, waiting. Waiting for that one clue that today I will give you what you want, or I am so weak I won't say no. That my defenses are down and you can just walk right in and take what you want. You think I would be used to you by now, your darkness, your shadowy face, smiling a smile that never quite reaches your eyes.
You think I don't hear you calling? Then you are mad. I try to ignore you, to drive you away, but you seem to be stuck to me like glue. I am old and have seen many things, but the sight of you still makes my heart speed up a little; until you decide to fade into the shadows again. On those times you ride me hard, it's so difficult to still say no, to keep my head up and don't show that you affect me the way you do. To not allow you to see any little chink in my armor.Â
You think you'd get tired of the dance by now. To move on to greener pastures as they say. But you don't, you seem to enjoy my torment. You promise things that are so tempting to me, but i can never allow you close. it would be so detrimental to me. Your soft touch is so amazingly difficult to resist, and yet I do. You think that makes me strong don't you? No, that only makes me a coward, that i don't face you and tell you off. I tried facing you once, and almost lost myself along the way, so i run. I try to hide from my true nature, a darkness, a desire I have burried deep. Sometimes I run so hard I tire myself out and fall asleep. Then in my dreams you haunt me, like some specter from the deep.Â
What you offer is dangerous, too dangerous a game to be played. You offer promises of pleasure, but i see only death when I look your way. I have seen you following me, calling out to me for so long, i wonder if you stopped would I miss you. At those times I hide my head and pretend the world is made of sugar and spice and everything nice.Â
To give in to you would not be good, it would be so bad that I would implode. Sure, you offer pleasure, but give only pain in the end. Who would actually fall for that? You are almost a part of me, a part that I never want to visit. So I keep telling you no, and you keep trying and you think we would get tired of dancing together, yet here we are, dancing again in the meadows of forbidden lusts. Dancing to a haunting refrain, that only you can play. Â And while we dance, I pretend the world is right and the melody we dance to is complete, but it is not, and we are not and never will be.
So when the dance is over I pull away from you and place my hand on my throat at the horror of it all and run. I see you laugh and shake your head and smile that smile that never reaches your eyes. And as I run off into the distance I see you, following me, laughing as if you know i can't run much longer. You think I do not see you, sitting there, in the shadows, waiting........